What does it mean when people who once were Kings and Queens treat themselves like human garbage cans?
What does it mean when many of us are three, four and five times our normal, healthy size - physically - yet bemoan our lack of love and respect? How much intimacy can we expect when our girth is an expression of our complex flight from intimacy?
If one disrespects themselves, they send a clear signal to the Universe that this is normality. When I hear people complain about the quality of the people that they attract, or, that they attract no one, I wonder what it is that they are putting out that, like a magnet, draws troubled, problematic people to them. Or no one at all.
I got on the scale a couple of days ago and while I’m not obese by the looks of me, I’m heavier than I want to be. What comes up for me are a number of feelings and thoughts:
*I want to strive for perfection. I know that I can be the weight (and size) that I want to be. It is entirely in my control.
*I know that I use food emotionally, eat more when I’m distressed, depressed or pissed. Food doesn’t talk back, misunderstand or confuse me, thus often there is no bar to me eating whatever I want. But, oh the consequences! I wonder what I’m afraid of, ‘what am I afraid of?’ Why am I isolating myself emotionally through my eating habits and weight.
*I attract where and what I am. (Law of Attraction-speak; I know for some this is unbelievable, ‘blames the victim,’ doesn’t account for ‘accident/killers who murder innocents,’ etc. Just my sense of my life.) When I’m on top of my shit, not letting any bullshit stymie me and on point like a muthafucka, shit flows. When I’m in my insecurity, embracing a negative outlook, laying in my depressed hammock, what comes my way?! Turds of every description mostly, though every now and then a pearl floats out from beneath. And that pearl often reminds me to pay attention to what’s happening in my life, to learn my life, read it like a book and change what needs to be changed.
I am a King TODAY!! Why? Because, I’m treating my “Body Temple” like its a Body Temple. I walked today and worked out with weights. I kept the TV off most of the day. I wrote. I put good food into my system and bought more - nuts, fruits, vegetable, all organic.
I believe that if I treat myself better, I’ll treat you better, better at least than I would have if I hadn’t treated myself with maximum respect. If I’m a King, then I’m only rolling with Kings and Queens. I think Klymaxx said it best: “I love you, I love you all but I have GOT to go!” We can bump knuckles, but I can’t let you in if you only think you’re a King or a Queen. I’m allergic to perpetrators and hyper sensitive to self-hate projected at me and made my problem.
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September 20, 2007 at 01:20 p
Jose
I think that, again, that’s a reflection of our society. Think about how the healthiest foods are the most expensive and the cheapest and un-healthiest are the least expensive. Of course there’s a lack of self-love: these foods don’t promote that. They promote consumerism and giving into a certain type of food. This is not to say that you can’t eat those foods and have great self-confidence but it is to say that there is a relationship between our perceptions of self and the way we eat.
And it’s great that everyone’s talking about natural everything, but you have to be able to afford it, know where to buy it, and etc. etc. I can do it on my budget, but the next person can’t. Let’s address that.
Good post, yo.
September 20, 2007 at 14:20 p
bitchwhoblogs
loved your post… huge class issues around access to healthier foods and choices - be it organics or safe sreets to walk on.
that said, i realized recently (past few years) that i was treating my body horribly - falling into the ‘good’ girl role of caretaking anyone and everyone but myself. using a distorted feminist logic to self rationalize my size, but when it came down to it- I was just unhealthy and compensating for a lack of self respect through overeating and bad habits.
anyway, now i decided to put the proverbial oxygen mask on my own face first - learned to love and respect myself and can now really love and respect others. i eat healthier foods and run and lift weights and am building community in the process…. for me its all about reducing the harmful choices and figuring out to live healthier not matter how and where things are…
that said - i know its way, way easier for me as white middle class woman than many others to access those healthier resources…
best of luck in your journey as a king
September 20, 2007 at 17:20 p
Ensayn
Free a much needed post. I feel this is one of the main issues concerning Black people, poor eating choices. I fully understand the issues behind food stuffs priced lower versus prices of organic foods. However, our people can and should make better choices. Eat more fruits, and fresh veggies. Yet, deeply the main issues is changing the hearts and minds of our people. It all stems around how one thinks. As we begin to rethink our choices we eat better at an affordable price. People in the so called lower economic stratus, may not be able to afford organic foods but, can surely choose to eat more veggies, fiber, and increase the amount of water intake at no great economic strain. So it is about how we think, what we think a king eats versus what a king really eats. What a queen thinks leads to how a queen acts. Let us raise up our priest and priestess’ to accompany our kings and queens for we are people the not only had kings but our kings and queens were also priest and priestess’.
Guidance!
September 20, 2007 at 22:20 p
thefreeslave
I feel all of you all on the class issue as it relates to the “best” food…however, there are so many choices that are available that are superior to the ones folks are making. And they are also affordable.
I make a decent income but I’m not rich. Its really a consciousness issue more than an economic one, isn’t it? Folks are taught what to eat and they don’t dig in and make the connection between their expanding girth and the what goes down their throats.
I mean, I have to. When I look in the mirror, I have to ask myself what I’m doing to be that big. I have to understand foods and what particular foods do to me. I know many of us don’t think, can’t at this point make those connections. That’s partly why I wrote this.
Education is critical. And understanding how what we put into us can limit our trajectory in many ways.
September 20, 2007 at 23:20 p
bitchwhoblogs
I think you are right on… and there is a great guide put out by some young folks of color called ‘how to eat right in the ghetto’ which is basically a harm reduction approach to a less than optimal situation foodwise… I have to say its a great resource… there is also a great model of a people’s farmers market in WestOakland and as well as some interesting intergenerational community gardening stuff happening…
I know since I started connecting the dots I dropped sixty pounds… part of it was really dialing into the kind of example i was going to set for my daughter… plus i have been thinking about how food has become the new opiate of the masses… eating ourselves oblivion, low self esteem and ill health….
OK, I am sure I just pissed off some of the pro-fat folks… I am not anti-fat- I swear. I am, however, about being healthy…
September 20, 2007 at 23:20 p
thefreeslave
BW: I was thinking about this scene in ‘Hurricane’ with Denzel when he was caged and he was working his ass off to build his body up to perfection. And he was cut.
I can relate to the idea of, in the face of persecution and oppression, not caving into it, not doing what the oppressor wants - self destruct - but honoring ourselves by honoring our minds and bodies.
September 21, 2007 at 23:21 p
byrdparker
healthy food , is not expensive !!! who shops at whole foods , or those gourmet stores… Just go to any china town , westindian , or itallian neighborhood , and vegetables abound . Most of these people , buy daily , not store the food ,. So the food is fresh and inexpensive ….
While i am overweight , i have been trying to get healthy starting last month … So it’s funny that you write this post!!!!!
__________________ but________________
I hate for people to preach , to each his own! you can’t judge someone on thier weight , if you don’t know them and thier health history ..
If you want people healthy you have to teach them how , not berate them because thin is in and ample is out …..
nice post free!!!!!
September 23, 2007 at 21:23 p
ravengal
Here in the Midwest, most lower-income neighborhoods have a Save-a-Lot or Aldi’s discount grocery store. I’ve seen vegetables and fruits rotting for lack of buyers at both of these stores.
November 22, 2007 at 14:22 p
darkdaughta
I haven’t struggled with my fat…I’ve struggled with Fat Phobia which effects so, so many different wimmin. Reading you, I realize that the issues are complicated in that, Papi tells me that the diet of the average black amerikkkan is filled with processed things and the worst of the worst cuts and portions of any given animal. I think about my family who immigrated to the states, I think about my home - barbados - where the starch, the poor cuts, the oil, the lack of nutrients in the form of veg and fruti is reminiscent of the diet of other freed slave populations so filled with crap. I think about class and about what it means for us as black people to make the choice to spend what little we may have on solid nutrients. Papi and I debate organics and buy them when we can because we want good foods for our black children and for ourselves. when we can’t get organics cuz we don’t have the money, we buy the best shit we possibly can and fight the voices that tell us we don’t deserve to eat well. I’m not worried about loosing weight, I just want the marbled flesh and fat to be of the highest quality.