By Maxjulian

April 21, 2005

Category: Uncategorized


I’m trying to get with this “one and only love” thing. I used to believe it when I was blind, when I simply followed directives implanted in me like computer chips from birth. Now, I’m not so sure. I took an AP English class as a senior in high school and wrote this essay that is indicative of my feelings for many years: ‘Love is the water in the battery of Life.’ Absurd.

I’ve heard said that monogamy is a capitalist plot to get everybody in their 2 story box, with the gar-age and the credit card. At least, the idea is to get everybody to have that idea, in their head, to the exclusion of other more considered options.

But, a bad marriage can cause one to rethink why they even considered that single, spiritually fatal option in the first place. Why did I? Damn!

What is relationship really about?

Am I looking for a soft, easy, unchallenging resting place from the jungle that is Amerikkka?

Or, is it an ‘intellectual Mt. Everest’ I’m after, a titanic, unscalable spirit who will leave me in cold sweats?

Do you, just….KNOW?

Love vs. “In Love. What the fuck?!

Or, is loving to be shared, generously, freely, from a place of conscious choice, a love undivided, without fenceposts, guardrails or borders?

I don’t know.

3 Responses to “Monoga-U”

  1. “Or, is loving to be shared, generously, freely, from a place of conscious choice, a love undivided, without fenceposts, guardrails or borders?”

    I think you can share self and love and attention and time without territoriality or defensiveness…if people know how to be honest, talk about their feelings…recognize their feelings, support compersion and negotiate for exactly what they want.

    Polyamory as a movement is pretty white, pretty hippy dippy as you put it. The people mostly give me the creeps. They smile way too much. Even when they’re obviously i pain, they’re smiling. That’s not authentic. That’s not real.

    I don’t smile that much. But when I do, it’s fer real.

    But I got sidetracked. I like a lot of the readings I’ve done on poly. It’s a difficult practice. It hasn’t always been easy for me. It hasn’t always been easy for me and Papi, either.

    But I think it leaves more space than monogamy ever will.

  2. Trust me – I don’t know where I am with this, mainly because I’m in one of those periods of unchosen celibacy. If you never get to practice it, its all theory so why even mention it? I am making space for whatever magnetically comes my way. I’ve toyed with reaching out and finding someone and that never feels right. Que sera sera.

  3. Oh I fully know about unchosen celibacy. Life was pretty crazy in the intentional community I tried to build. By the time I came out the other side, I was so burnt emotionally and physically the idea of being sexual gave me the creeps.

    Why is your celibacy unintentional?

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