Confessions of a Midnight Creeper
I’se throwin’ back dem fishes. They don’t agree wit ma system, no mo’ if they eva did. Naw suh, I can’t go de Miss Anne route no mo’.
I’m comin’ clean, I gotta get this shit off a me. NO MORE. NEVER AGAIN!
I have allowed myself to be politically co-opted, spiritually vivisected and psychically bewitched by the most potent, anti-Niggeristic weapon in the Racism/White Supremacist Arsenal: The White Woman.
To ‘Canoodle with Kryptonite’ has been the death of too many brothas, myself included. And its easier to see “out there” but harder to confront “in here,” inside one’s own black, brown or red self. Alas, I had a front row seat, recently, to the self-castration and de-nutting of a red nigga close by. It was truly a spectacle: the so-called militant, speaking rancid rhetoric out of side of his neck, while covertly practicing white female idolatry. Come on, NIGGA, Puhleeaze!!
But his impotent example was cold water in my face, so I gots ta cop to my shit, too. I’ve been doin’ the same damn thing; hanging wit she-devils who can’t comprehend 3/4 of what comes outta my mouth, tellin’ myself that ain’t no sistas around, or they don’t understand a proud buck like me, being politically/rhetorically black but creeping & sleeping pink. I ain’t met the white girl yet who can tame me, specially no Amy! (Sorry Ice Cube) But that ain’t neva stop me from tryin.
Being with a white chick is like dropping anchor when you tryin’ to sail out to open sea. Ya’ll neva make it outta the harbor, brotha. I know betta, but like in prison, sometimes that dude across the rec yard takes on the mirage-like aura of a ‘sh-im’ and then a ‘SHE’ and then the Mach Ten self-delusion is ON! Sleeping knowingly wit Mata Hari ain’t exactly politically or intellectually correct. Certainly ain’t spiritually on point.
That hollow empty feeling, those hanging questions like, ‘what the fuck was I thinking?’ OR ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ are always there, whether one chooses to confront them or not.
Now I love all people and believe that we are all of the same family. Yet, in a hermetically sealed, Global System of Racism/White Supremacy, acts that one thinks of as ‘love,’ tend to more closely approximate, ‘treason.’
So, I offer my sincerest apologies to all of the BEAUTIFUL sistas out there that I leapt over to get at another chalky, two legged shackle that can’t hold a candle to YOU.