An Open Letter To Sea
I’m going to put this out to the universe – ONCE – and leave it at that. I’ve read some of your comments about what “I said about you” and “what I said, meant.” Sadly, you don’t get it. So let me break it down nigga-style. (And this is for any white person or non-white person who is confused about the madness of my methods.
I’m about truth, first, foremost and lastly. Not absolute, Biblical truth, but that ever changing nugget and the continous striving that leaves behind dated turds when its shown for what it is.
Most conscious niggas have a highly attuned bullshit detector when it comes to white folks trifling with us and our feelings, our suffering, using our condition as their therapy to feel better about themselves, coming to us to co-sign their “goodness” or “seriousness.” When I feel a well-meaning, yet, inauthentic white person spewing their palaver on me – I will react accordingly.
NOW, I tried not to come full force at you, Sea. I did as Miles suggests, and, ‘put a little space in it.’ But your analysis of my words – which I’m sure you don’t understand – warrants one.
I believe you mean well, that you are “good” whatever that means, just as I believe white liberals mean well – on the surface. BUT, underneath the surface, you, Sea, and other whites must pass the test that a Sistah peeped to me many years ago: “To understand the intent, look at the AFFECT.” What is the affect of what you/they say and do on me and on other non-whites? How do they treat me and other niggas? Beneath the smiles, are they really friendly or are they just ‘polite?’ Do they really see me, or, am I a silhouette, a nigga-stunt-double, an “Other” to practice their white voodoo on?
White people have an amazing capacity for self-delusion – around race. (This is not to say that non-white people don’t either.) What I have noted in you, Sea, is this intense, missionary-zealous, proseletyzing, know-it-all persona, which by its nature can’t be real. Yes, you’ve invited me to a million fucking RC functions. Why? What are your motives and what’s the rush? Why the pressure? But press on you did.
That behavior clued me in to look deeper; I wanted to believe on face value your words of support and applaud your righteous activism. But now, I had to KNOW whether the motives were about changing the conditions of of our world, OR, creating an image, a self-congratulatory facade for the world to see. If you’re reading this – DON’T discount it, LOOK at it! Listen to it, but more importantly HEAR IT!!
This is one of the master tools of Racism/White Supremacy – the whole obsession white people have with ‘looking good;’ looking like nice people, looking like progressive, devout, spiritual people, all the while allowing murderous, barbarous, bloody behavior perpetrated – in YOUR and THEIR names.
In any engagement with white folks, I listen not so much to what they say, but to what they say and do. I listen to the whole person; their demeanor, their personality, their actions, their writing, their logic or lack thereof. I observe them and determine who I think they are.
You think I’ve read you wrong….but what if I didn’t? What if your behavior is an elaborate show, a self-administered, medicinal ruse, not entirely, but partially? I submit that your willingness and ability to consider the possibility that that could be true – may be largely based on the color of the person asking the question.
How dare you say/think these things? I’ve bent over backwards to befriend you…..etc, etc. Statements along these lines are self-justification. The critical question is: have you even considered that you could be manifesting unconscious behaviors that have created the reaction in me that you are so upset about?
Have you re-read the words you wrote me? My feeling of their “tone” was like I was some little sambo you were patting on the head. “Sweet Julian,” “such a good dad,” and this kind of verbiage in the context of our conversation, is akin to when I’ve walked down the street at night, and as I approach a white person from half a block away, they are like, “hey, how ya doin’, buddy? to disarm my black ass cuz they are afraid. I mean, lay it on thick?!
And in the next breath, I’m proposing unspecified “irrational policies towards white people” in your view. I just propose white people get fucking real – and that is too much to ask of most of them.
I read how you reduced and distorted my words and now I understand why; I have a hard time feeling that I was ever “human” in your estimation; what I feel is that I was a black guinea pig that you were practicing on. Some black folks can fill that bill, will fall for that; others are more tuned in, have a brain and instincts that they are using, are worldly wise, wiser in some instances than YOU! That’s why I backed the fuck up from you. I already knew that what I say will be dismissed by you out of hand. But I needed to say it for me.
The stench of the ‘poor me pity party’ you’ve been throwing over on your blog(s) is sickening; after all, this is REALLY about Racism/White Supremacy, a comprehensive, global disease that is causing misery to non-whites in favor of whites. If you’ve ever truly read my blog, you know that my purpose has been to wake muthafuckas up, particularly the white folks whose shit smells bootylicious, and who are killing us with kindness. Did you really not think that applied to YOU? Until you really listen and hear that, what do you and I really have to talk about? You’ve only thought you were listening and hearing, at least, in one nigga’s opinion.
Of course, I could just be another mouthy nigga who gets off on alienating good white folks for absolutely/positively NO REASON! If that is the morsel you propose to chew on, rather than the other 99% I’ve written…
So be it.
I do not have ANY ill will towards you and I wish you well. I simply am allergic to and cannot abide absolutely anything but “the coal-black truth.”