Whining, Perpetual Anger and Relationship

By Maxjulian

June 14, 2006

Category: Uncategorized


So, I was having this discussion/debate with this very young sistah about interracial relationships. Her position (both implied and stated) is that brothas who date white women are eternal sellouts who hate black women and themselves. (Who and what black women are who do the same is left unsaid. I suspect “justified” would be one term she might use)

By the end of the conversation, I was “insultingly trying to come on her blog and “justify” the fact that I was married to a white woman/dated white women in the past. (Point of information: I have now learned that for some sistahs, there is fo’sho’, no statute of limitations on Jungle Fever. A nigga must wear a large, white “W” on their dome piece, signifying their racial treachery. A leper colony is being converted to house these racial rejects.

Now, I’ve never said I dated white women exclusively, because I never have and that I married a white woman because I don’t like this or that about black women, because that’s not how I roll. I have dated far more black women than white women, have loved far more black women than white – and MUCH PREFER black women to white.

But to my young friend, ‘letting the facts get in the way of a good rant is unthinkable.’ There is one reason and one reason ONLY for a black man to date a white woman. However, I would like to add an additional reason why a man might consider “going to the other side”: the terminal, hysterical, full-bodied anger and concomitant irrationality evidenced by a certain someone.

Exactly who finds THAT appealing?! I’m an angry black MF, too, but I don’t live in it 24/7. I’ve spoken openly about my experience – an experience that ended FOUR years ago in July – and I’ve got folks coming at me like I’m a real-time “Chester The Molester,” like I’m in the middle of a “Jungle Fever” moment. But it is these Vietnam Vet/PTSD acting chicks who are having the firefight flashback. The fact that I am loving a BEAUTIFUL, BROWN, SISTAH/A BLACK WOMAN RIGHT NOW – means NADA. Who or what I’m dating now is immaterial, cuz I have sinned before the Church of the Self-Righteous/Sanctified/Justified Rage-aholoics.

Well let me be clear, as I have failed to provide the proper transparency:


What I DO care about is having conversations with people who can have conversations and NOT “self-righteous, my shit don’t stink” rants. So, baby-gurl, (and you know who you are), we can’t talk cuz you can’t talk and your anger has shortcircuited your fucking young noodle. I don’t care what color you are – that shit AIN’T sexy at all.

8 Responses to “Whining, Perpetual Anger and Relationship”

  1. i have no qualms with interracial relationships. i think it goes a lot deeper than “we hate ourselves cuz we aren’t dating black people”

    to me, it is not that black and white (no pun intended). yes, racism exists. internalized racism exist–but we have to face the facts, we live in a multicultural society and people are sexually attracted to people for many, many different reasons. we all exotify the other–we all wanna taste the forbidden fruit, because it is forbidden. that doesn’t make us a bad person, it makes us human. we are curious….

    in any case, people give me shit cuz my partner is not black. but she is a good person nonethless and loves me for me. and we both revel in the fact that we are sleeping with a person of another race, it excites us. it’s no different than other reasons why people date people—she is not white (and i probably won’t ever have a white gf–only cuz i havent yet overcome my own prejudices)–but there is nothing wrong with interracial dating. shit. how the hell do you think black people are still here. we are all mixed with something. let people fuck whoever they want to. it’s the same shit going on with us queer people. everyone wants to be all up in our business and bedrooms saying our love isn’t natural, but yet it is no different than the love anyone else has for their partners. let people be. damn.

  2. Yep.

    That’s all I have to say. Mark it on your calendars. 😛


  3. Exactly right nubian. There is most definitly a bunch of racist baggage we all have to deal with, but so what? Are we not supposed to live and love and exist in this world until we get that baggage figured out? I hear the pain of a woman who sees a man of her race with a white woman. I hear that pain deeply. But to me, what is basically being said is that it is up to men to confirm or deny woc sexuality…that we don’t have a legitimate beautiful sexuality unless men of our race legitimize it by dating only us. I don’t think that is a postive thing for us, to wait around for men to legitimize us. I think that is a straw man form of legitimization–and we deserve more than that. we deserve our own self legitimization that is not dependent upon anybody else–that way, nobody can take it from us when some white chick shows up.

  4. On another site, this brother talked about an aspect of what you are saying, B. The idea of “controlling black male sexuality” that this position puts forth. On the hand, the slavemaster was controlling black male and female sexuality, breeding us, raping us at will. And now, controlling black male/female sexuality to medicate one’s self esteem, confused identity or legitimazation issues is considered reasonable for some men and women.

    That is an interesting twist on the discussion; your point about having something that nobody can take away from us is too on point. Ironically, at times I’ve felt that awkward, embarassed feeling seeing a mixed couple out and about. I’ve felt that little twinge inside about gay or lesbian couples at times. But I check myself/my homophobia/my internalized racism; its none of my business and how the hell do I know why or how they came together and why do I care? The discomfort, when it occurs, emanates inside of me so it is there that I have to look for my answers.

  5. The discomfort, when it occurs, emanates inside of me so it is there that I have to look for my answers.

    very good point max. There is always that added component that a lot of us like to forget to do in social justice work, and that is dealing with and confronting the shit inside ourselves that makes us uncomfortable and replacing it with the desired “I”. When that point comes, that we are ready to make actual change within our communities, I think that the place to start *has* to be within our own selves–that way we can better define that which surrounds us. I don’t think that being “the decider” for other people will liberate our personal selves–I think that *I* person liberates our personal selves. But unfortuantly, that’s where things are often the most painful–and as such that’s when things get the ugliest…

  6. I know you didn’t throw out the old ‘black women are too angry’ shit. That’s why I say that folks need to take care of their issues before dating interracially.

  7. Shannon: Negative; I said YOU were.

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