Changing The World in Me

By Maxjulian

June 16, 2006

Category: Uncategorized

8 Comments »

I had these aspirations to be a leader, a big-time activist, an elected official. Life taught me by this or that process, experience, or roadblock that none of that was meant for me. I’m a writer; what kind remains to be seen. But that’s my calling and I’m going for it.

I still want to change the world but new information that’s come to me suggests that I’ve been going about it all wrong. Like many, I look ‘out there,’ see reflections or projections of myself in others and maddened by my image exposed, I lash out and try to convert or change them.

This is a hurdle that it will take time to clear. Projection is so easy; disowning the unpleasant aspects of me and handing them over to you is convenient but wrong. If I tried, when I felt anger and resentment rising in me towards another, to see what qualities I shared with the person who I let get under my skin (or who was already in it to begin with) I’d probably reduce my stress level by 50%.

“Living and jiving and digging the skin I’m in…”

As a person in recovery, I’ve seen how few people who come in get it, get sober; I know what it was like to be a drunk who couldn’t be told or taught ANYTHING, a child impervious to information beyond validating “I want/what I want/when I want it!” Preaching to folks without ears is an exercise in stupidity. Few want the knowledge that could save their lives – until they want it. So why keep trying to force feed people on a spiritual, intellectual or emotional hunger strike?

Maybe the task, as Gandhi put it is to “be the change” you want to see in the world; and through example, folks can come – through their own observation or thirst – to whatever part of it they need, when and if they ever need it.

8 Responses to “Changing The World in Me”

  1. I was going to ask, do you publish elsewhere? It was just idle curiosity, an idea that came to me because it seems like you do / you would.

  2. I’m going to post an article that I just published. Thanks for asking.

  3. good max, i was wondering why you hadn’t linked to it yet!!! I wanted to link it, but I thought I better wait until you do!

  4. BrownFemi: I still wanna get those books to you if you want them.

  5. What I have to say is going to probably differ dramatically from what everyone else says, but I need to say it anyway:

    Please stay angry.

    You write:

    As a person in recovery, I’ve seen how few people who come in get it, get sober; I know what it was like to be a drunk who couldn’t be told or taught ANYTHING, a child impervious to information beyond validating “I want/what I want/when I want it!” Preaching to folks without ears is an exercise in stupidity. Few want the knowledge that could save their lives – until they want it. So why keep trying to force feed people on a spiritual, intellectual or emotional hunger strike?

    Maybe the task, as Gandhi put it is to “be the change” you want to see in the world; and through example, folks can come – through their own observation or thirst – to whatever part of it they need, when and if they ever need it.

    I’ve read the work of lots of people online trying to “be the change”-and changing nothing at this point.

    But when you write what you do, it makes me laugh with joy-not just because you write well, but because you are right and nobody-but NOBODY is out there willing to be pissed off over our slow-motion extermination, the despoiling of the planet, the pointless symbolic protests, and tie it all together with the way we’re treated here, the way you are. When I first read about your own experiences in Portland and how pissed off you were about these people that piously claimed how much they cared and then dumped on you, I actually slept better at night, because now I knew that I wasn’t entirely alone in feeling the same thing.

    They don’t want to hear it? So what. It’s the truth and it needs to be said-because it’s the silence, it’s the backing away from confrontation, it’s the shrugging away of things, that’s also killing us in a way.

  6. Visible Man: That’s one of the highest compliments that I have EVER received! Thank you very much for that.

    AND: Where the fuck is your blog? I need to read your musings on shit so I can stay up. (Naw, I stay up on life by myself) I really want to encourage you if you haven’t already, to get one. If you have time. The first time I read your writing I was like, “yeah, I need to hear more from him.”

    Pleasssssssssssssssssssse?!

  7. I agree with Visible Man (and with you, Max, that he should get a blog). Anyway, wandering around here in the North Pole, where I am temporarily (actually Victoria, B.C., land of ‘nice’, self-satisfied, agressive blandness), I realized what one of the reasons I like this blog is: I am trying to recover myself, from compromising with people who make blanket judgments and call these, analysis. This blog helps me see more clearly. And it’s a relief to see that there are a few people I don’t even know, who get as p.o.’d as I do. So, carry on, y’all! 🙂

  8. Thanks Prof.Z. Greatly appreciate it. I’m trying….one day at a time!

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