Soul Mate Redux (From the Files of the Evil Sexist)

If this post is sexist, may I wear gasoline panties in HELL!

To the WOMEN who might read this; I do mention a few sexual acts and parts of the female body that I love and desire in my mate. Please understand that I don’t want to offend you; so be forewarned.

  • She’s a Black Woman/Woman of Color

  • High intellectual, racial, political, social, spiritual CONSCIOUSNESS

  • Emotionally mature

  • Able to articulate thoughts and feelings passionately and respectfully

  • Watery Deep in every way

  • Physically fit – great bubble butt, medium large breasts with sweet, ripe nipples, wild, wonderful hair, long, lean legs, 5’7” – 5’9”

  • Passionate

  • Well read

  • Concerned about the world around her

  • Compassion

  • Fearless

  • Sexually adventurous and wide open

  • Creative

  • Strong

  • Voices needs, wants, tells it as it is

  • Wants to hear my wants and needs and is completely open to me telling her about them

  • Has good balance of female and male energy

  • Committed to growing as a human being

  • She extends herself to further her growth and my growth

  • She’s emotional and only occasionally irrational

  • Nice toes

  • Full, sexy lips – both sets

  • Can suck dick and loves sucking dick

  • Loves receiving oral sex

  • Has an amazing sense of humor

  • She has her own life and is following her own path careerwise, creatively, spiritually, intellectually

  • She’s got financial resources

  • She absolutely loves music, particularly jazz and hiphop

  • She’s lover of the written word and film ∑ She’s stylish and has a unique fashion sense

  • She’s a trendsetter

  • Knows what true, healthy intimacy is and craves it

  • Intuitive, psychic

  • Able to allow me the space I need, but always available to reconnect

  • We have an intuitive ability to tune into when to provide each other space and when to provide loving nurturing

  • Great relational flow

  • She’s a lover of travel and loves to travel whether its with or without me

  • She’s my SOUL MATE. I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt. No DOUBT!

  • Our interests are similar, yet she has her own thing, her own life and loves, interests which she pursues with my full support

  • She is completely in love with me. She is THE ONE!! Tailor made for me.

  • She has the depth, the quality, the intelligence, the sensitivity, the heart and soulfulness of my best girlfriends

  • We can talk for hours because we are on that spiritual wavelength + that I have caught glimpses of with certain female friends

  • Open hearted, tender hearted

  • Real, an authentic person trying to become more herself

  • Great instincts

  • A teacher as well as a student, but not rigid about roles

  • Touchy, likes physical contact, giving and especially receiving

  • She MOVES me, STIRS me, makes my eyes water in contemplation of her, my heart feels like bursting in her presence, my pride in her and all that she represents is boundless

  • She’s a Warrior

  • She’s a Goddess

  • She’s a Sacred Prostitute

  • She allows me to minister to her sexual desires

  • She’s extremely supportive; she’s a contributor to my creativity

  • She’s my MUSE!

  • She believes in me

  • She accepts me COMPLETELY

  • She’s emotionally and spiritually honest

  • Precisely when things get sticky and tough, she moves towards me to heal the rift or disagreement

  • She is God’s gift to woman and God’s gift to me

  • She is ‘MUTHAFUCKIN’ Tiz-IGHT!!!!’

18 Responses to “Soul Mate Redux (From the Files of the Evil Sexist)”

  1. Ruth, when Max wrote, “Has good balance of female and male energy,” that’s pure feminism. It’s more than the freedom to range outside of traditional roles. It’s the celebration of such ranging.

  2. OK, I had read this before on the old blog, but now I’ve reread it here, after reading the ‘Ruth’ post and thread. I still say that what stands out most is, the writer is romantic. I had the same reaction as Holly (on the other thread) when I read the warnings, then the list: it doesn’t really need the warnings. (But leave them, they’re cute, and they fit the sense of humor that is evident throughout the blog.)

    On the question of service to men (from the ‘Ruth’ thread), well yes, there’s a little of that, if you haven’t read the whole blog you can wonder what the writer might want you to be supportive OF, or how far he might want you to go in giving such support (I’ve been known to draw the line on support of some types of activities). But hey, look at it in context, and remember, it’s a list, not an essay.

    I went out with this guy once, someone I had met through work, nice, smart; I decided to remain ‘just friends’ though. Why: he said he was looking for someone to chat with, and sleep with on weekends, and maybe once during the week, and that he was good for sex about once in 24 hours. He had a boring, utilitarian list, despite being a great person in other ways.

  3. Where is the logic in asking your own readers to tell you whether or not you are sexist, and how are you treating the subject of sexism seriously when your focus seems to be on denying the possibility that you may be sexist yourself?

    It seems that in order to claim that not all men are sexist you are now implying that not all white people are racist. You say that you try to take each individual human being as they come and try to experience them with as little judgement as you possibly can. I think that’s the best way possible to relate to people, but don’t understand how you reconcile this with straight away assuming that my challenging you was racially motivated.

    You are judging your own sexism by your own beliefs of what is acceptable (how many men do you know that admit to being sexist?). Maybe you need to look at the beliefs themselves? Your personal growth; your responsibility – not mine.

    My initial gripe with you was as much about sexism as it was about your superficial understanding of racism. Do you feel more comfortable being challenged about this by a white person? Fine. It’s your blog. I’ll be whatever race, age and sexual orientation you need me to be.

  4. I dont think you needed to qualify anything – it is context that adds the meaning (or lack of it) Wonderful piece

    Best lines!

    “High intellectual, racial, political, social, spiritual CONSCIOUSNESS”

    “Loves receiving oral sex”

    “Has good balance of female and male energy”

  5. Ah but Julian – this could be seen as patronising and hmmm sexist, arrogant, male. like what happens if her music tastes change to classical or something you do not like as she grows? or she decides she no longer loves sucking dick or worse recieving oral sex? does that mean she is lost?

    From the devils advocate

    This is the moment on how you feel, you and she will probably feel differently as time progresses – people grow individually and as lovers, things change – an expression of the moment which in this case I enjoyed, hmmm I feel like a voyeur

  6. Ruth, I don’t mind being challenged; I’m waiting for you to make an evidentiary challenge.

    To say, “My initial gripe with you was as much about sexism as it was about your superficial understanding of racism. Do you feel more comfortable being challenged about this by a white person? Fine…” ain’t saying shit.

    My superficial understanding of racism?! DEEP.

  7. Sokari, I hope her musical taste changes to whatever it changes into for her. None of this is hard and fast. As you indicate, its a snapshot of the moment; its like jazz. No musician worth his or her salt plays the same way each time, even if playing the same composition.

  8. Oh, and Ruth, I asked other people because you wondered aloud why I was getting a free pass from the female readers of this blog. I was trying to do us both a favor by having those women respond to questions that you were wondering about. I wanted to know what those women thought as well.

    Also, I do take sexism seriously; I just don’t take your charge of it seriously because I don’t hear any substance behind it. Its like Joe McCarthy, “you’re a commie.” Its a slur, a tactical one to be sure, to discredit. I don’t feel that you’re even invested in this conversation at any depth; proof of which is the manner in which you sling cotton candy charges that evaporate.

    Do I have sexist tendencies? Yes. I know this, known it for years. So why do I need you to tell me what I already know – unless you are illuminating the issue in some respect? You haven’t, in my humble opinion. And how can I really take anyone, white or black, seriously who tells me I have a superficial understanding of racism? Compared to who, you?! You cannot be serious?!

    You’re slinging mud and I’m supposed to pretend its a fudge sundae?

  9. I love the line, “She’s a Sacred Prostitute.” I’m not sure about what it means, but I like it. 🙂 Hey, I know that I have sexist tendencies. I try to check them whenever I detect them. in my defense, I was raised by a southern man that is now 87 so you can imagine some of my tendencies. This was true especially when I was younger. In short, self-examination and self improvement are my responsibilities as an individual. Like Spike, I just try to do the right thing.

  10. Stephen, from my very limited understanding, waaayy back in the day, Sacred Prostitutes would ‘treat’ men returning from war to a round of spiritual, healing, intimacy. Marvin Gaye was NOT wrong! The idea was that the men needed to be healed in order to be re-integrated into the society and this act was a part of their re-entry program. This is one shard of memory that I have.

    What’s fascinating is how the wisdom of the ancients has been lost, perverted, distorted. And, what I wrote could be distorted as well, so don’t take my word for it.

  11. Speaking as a woman who has had her blog attacked as irrational and abusive by a man because she (I) was b****ing about sexism, I think Ruth is a troll. Reminds me of Sailorman, Poor Boy, etc. It is time to repeat, in slightly different words, what I said to her original post on the old blog: in this society, men will have some sexist tendencies. But there is a whole lot of sexism to worry about. Energy spent trying to root out the last shred of sexism from people who are already working on it themselves and are pretty advanced at this, is energy not spent fighting the system.

  12. There is a sacred prostitute in the Epic of Gilgamesh, isn’t there? Shamhat, who in some translations is called a harlot or prostitute and in others is called a priestess or a sacred temple girl.

    She is brought to Enkidu, who is running around innocently with gazelles and other beasts in the forest, and she makes love to him, which prepares him for the world of men (and bars him forever from his innocent life as a gazelle).

    Then he meets Gilgamesh and falls in love with him and they get into all kinds of trouble with Ishtar and giant bulls and weird tree-monsters and hell, and in the end, Enkidu blames the harlot/priestess for all of his misery.

    She’s like Eve, basically, without the quaint fruit euphamism. In fact, Danny P. Jackson (in my Lit. of the Wester World Anthology) has her making this post-coital declaration: “Now you are as if a God, my boy, with no more need of dumb beasts, however fair. We can now ascend the road to Uruk’s Palace” etc.

    If I could go back in time, way back, I would tell Shamhat to stay with Enkidu and the gazelles. But that’s me.

  13. I once dated a girl who claimed to have many of these properties. She may still make such claims. Unfortunately, it was a lie.

    Her idea of sex was three caresses then shove it in. No eroticism. No romance. In fact, romantic advances were usually repulsed (40% of the time she said ‘no’). What was really sad was that, she could once in a while be a fabulous lover, but only occasionally. I even got paranoid about sex, because I hate rejection. This was a first.

    This particular women was a friend. As a date though, she was a nightmare. Even when an evening went ok, she would often get up in the middel of ther night and go home. She would then start yelling at me at between 5am and 8am on the phone, about some alleged problem she had detected. I always wished that she had just stayed. The yelling was almost always for something she believe that I believed, although I did not. Trying to get the facts straight made matters worse.

    I guess that the point here is that caveat emptor applies. Getting what one wishes for, can prove to be quite dreadful. Like anything else, do not believe the marketing. I still really miss the idea of that girl though. It is such a shame that the reality was so inconsistent and disappointing.

    The CP

  14. CP: I’m prepared for whatever comes, even if its nothing! Solitude is looking pretty good right now.

  15. How brave and romantic to want it all–and openly put it out there in a heart-searching way! Some awesome woman is going to be very blessed.

  16. Yeah CP, you describe me, although this part is not true re the time frames and what you call ‘yelling’:

    She would then start yelling at me at between 5am and 8am on the phone, about some alleged problem she had detected. The yelling was almost always for something she believe that I believed, although I did not. Trying to get the facts straight made matters worse.

    We were not getting along.

  17. P.S. to CP in case MJ decides not to moderate my last comment out: my first comment in this thread (#2, just after Holly’s) does not refer to you! (MJ, we apologize for this invasion. Je ne savais pas que certaines personnes lisaient aussi ton blog.)

  18. P.P.S. sorry to keep harping, but I am still p.o.’d that the CP, now that he has been ejected from my blog, has moved to some of the blogs I read to keep talking. I know I should not engage at all, but to cleanse myself of the words I have read in that comment I have just got to say:

    1. CP: marketing; claimed to have many of these properties

    Since when is saying what you like/are interested in, ‘marketing’ or ‘making a claim’? Is the post upon which we are now commenting, ‘marketing’? I’d say it is reflection and self-expression, not ‘marketing’.

    2a. CP, the one who went after me was you, and the one who wanted to stay together was you. The one with the dark, unspeakable secrets from the past was you, and the one who made vague claims about what he could really be like, if I were only patient enough, was you. The one who did not agree that we would both be better off sleeping with more compatible people, was also you. And the one who has carried on all of the inappropriate line- stepping since we finally did break it off, is you.

    2b. Also, your comment suggests that, to some degree, you really do believe women should have sex for the purposes of pleasing and serving men, period. That is sexism.

    2c. I took down posts in which I was trying to work some things out for myself about our relationship, because you did not think they reflected well upon you. I have never said a thing
    about your own blog contents, or commented there.
    Harrassment, creeps me out.

    3. For all–sex does not start 15 minutes before you want ‘it’ to. It has to do with what the whole relationship, or the whole interaction is like.

    That’s all.

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