During my hiatus, I tried to get in touch with some of the dissonance inside of me. A pressure welled up in me, subtly at first. But then, I began noticing a gap between my ‘public’ utterances and what I was working in my personal life. And what I was coming to believe as this new intuition began bursting forth.
I realized that I was falling into patterned, negative behavior. My focus, ‘RACISM/WHITE SUPREMACY, was my bone and my teeth marks were gouged into it. At the end of the day though, where was I getting with my ‘riffing on racism?’ And where was I getting us??
I was fighting the good fight, but my blows were landing on gloves and elbows and were NOT penetrating my opponent’s defenses. It seemed the angle I was punching from was not getting me what I wanted which was victory.
Seeing some of my friends (and ex-friends) blogs this morning, I was struck by the monotony, the consistency of focus on what’s going on and going WRONG in our world. They speak in truths that are very true. However, visioning us out of the nightmare is the road less traveled.
“Life’s a bitch and then you die that’s why we get high, cuz you neva know when ya gonna go!” is the raison d’etre of this line of emphasis. I should know.
I’ve been guilty of the same.
The world is not the way that I want it to be – fo’ shizzle! I have no control over what it IS…other than to be the change…right, Ghandi?! Me thinks I have to change the game that I play. I have to be mindful that I am not becoming what I despise – in ANY way.
I look back on some of the things people commenting on this blog have said to and about me. I know what some of them meant. I have demeaned and attacked and tried to bludgeon some people into getting some real shit.
My intentions were fantastic, the best; but if you slit someone’s throat trying to save their life, (even if their politics are reprehensible) they’re still dead.
Life is what I’m interested in, living it at a higher vibration, joyfully, abundantly. Just cuz there’s misery in the world doesn’t mean one must wallow in it –In ‘SOLIDARITY.’
I used to believe that but I don’t right now.
And don’t get me wrong: I still despise racism and all the other ISM’s. I just hope to be less of a Kodak documentarian of it, and more of a bearer of hope and possibility.
Anything is possible.