Black Love, Baby!

Is it possible?

I was just reading the website of a bi-racial (white mother/black father) sistah who is obsessed with who black men are fucking and how black women are being mistreated by black men.

The rage, the venom, the hating by these women of these men who supposedly chose Miss Anne over them projectile vomits through the screen.

But where is the love?

I don’t hear it, don’t hear the love, but rather proprietary entitlement: he’s MY man, sounding all the while like an infant that wants what it wants when it wants it.

I hear appeals to racial loyalty fo’ so’, we’re supposed to be together because we’re supposed to be, said with fire. But is that gonna bring a brotha back from the otha side? It hasn’t worked yet, has it?

Perhaps there is another way. I’ve learned only recently that I have to look at my part in ANYTHING that’s happening in my life that ain’t going my way. What part do I play? What is it about me that am I drawing these fill in the blank things to me? You don’t think you have any responsibility – well, pretend for a minute.

Suppose you attract into your life EXACTLY what you think and feel about – ALL OF THE TIME!? Would you take a closer look at the actual internal messaging coursing through you and fix that – fix it before you expect Prince Charming to show up?

Would you learn to have a REAL relationship with yourself, instead of the ‘ bare bones-limited self-acquaintance mirage which characterizes more than a few of us. Yes, we know our anger at other people for not being or giving us what we want.

But who are you?

Do you even love yourself?

I look at those websites and the self hatred, the myopia yoddles: The BAD black man, woe is me.  Three fingers pointing right backatcha.

Let me repeat: Do you love yourself?  Are you sure?

Anger is understandable, but is the proportion? The direction of it?  Where is the anger at the white man who created this hellhole for all of us and maintains it?  There is no contextualizing of experience. One of our faults as people of color has always been our openness. When the white man arrived on native shores the world over, rarely were they met with anything less than generosity. In general, the non-white have been less prejudiced and less exclusive than the white man. I tend to think its in our nature.

Fast forward to today where the same general tendencies are evident, but placed in the context of a racist/white supremacist “brainwash camp” and what the hell do you expect?????

Blacks sleep with whites, whites sleep with blacks, yellows, reds, blues. Certainly, self hate may play a role in many if not most of these border crossings. So what?

You don’t think you hate yourself? How many black women have whisk broom hair, are morbidly obese, etc, etc? Is it fair to look at those cases and generalize about ALL black women, use that as a justification to date white women, or stay compulsively, obsessively focused 24/7 on the shortcomings of black women?

Cuz it really sounds like a justification – creating a blog that is all about how bad black men are – justifies ones being and remaining alone and miserable, which I’m told one can do all by themselves. Without ANY justification or scapegoat at all.

Let’s us take a deep breath, black people. Yes, we have issues, challenges, hurdles, obstacles. But they are both internal and external. Which ones can you control?

You believe in black love, right – LOVE yourself, be love, treat your body, emotions, spirit correctly, marry yourself FIRST, and then maybe, just maybe you will attract what you REALLY want and not what you don’t want – which if that’s all you’re thinking about, you’re gonna attract it anyway.

Peace and Love, BABY!!

11 Responses to “Black Love, Baby!”

  1. Without naming names I think I know who you are talking about & I recently visited her blog & was turned off by the discourse on who is sticking it to who. The Brotha’s were definitely on the attack!

    I even posted a comment that was moderated out, I guess I am a loser?

  2. Nice post FS. Definately thought provoking. I must confess, unlike bygbaby, I have no idea whose site your post was directed to, but it would be interesting to find out 🙂

  3. Did you ever perhaps consider that instead of blaming all your problems on black women, you should maybe hold your self accountable for the things you can change?

    You are not a threat to white people. White people love you, because you do not respect other black people (black women). Instead you have looked at the white man’s definition of beauty and have not removed this socialization. The white man will NEVER respect you, as you have given him no cause to show you respect. YOU obviously don’t love yourself, if you did, you would bed down with women who reflected your phenotype. You would lay down with the women who endured the same struggles with race as you, you would marry a woman who is as angry as you about what this society is doing to black men, women, and children. And you would treat black women with the same respect you would want for yourself. Instead you look up to your white overseers definition of beauty, like a little boy trying to fill out “daddy’s” shoes. Admit you are brainwashed, but stop looking towards the next black woman you see for introducing very valid points about how black men behave towards them.

    But you haven’t. If you knew anything about the very Malcolm in your picture (you probably haven’t even read his autobiography or speeches), you’d know that he was against interracial dating, and the pathetic brothers who would run over his own to get a non-black girl. Our ancestors who fought to give us the freedoms you enjoy today are rolling over in their grave.

  4. lone theorist, well said, nothing much to say, you said everything in such a clever perspective.

    Hi Freeslave, I’ve never been here before. I’m not here to fight and I’m not trying to bash, I’m being very frank here. I felt your statement about the blog owner was adverse and she didn’t deserve it. That’s not what her blog is about and she’s very respected among many because of it. Just as I would defend my Black brothers, I’ll also defend my Black sisters AND I would do the same for you if I had too.

    Why do Black men hate Black women for wanting to love them? You know, it’s obvious many Black women love Black men and love themselves more than vice versa. That’s why so many of them are loyal and single to this day. Black women have always fought along side to defend the Black man even though it’s apparent most Black men didn’t and still don’t return the favor.

    How can you tell Black women to love themselves, when so many Black fathers don’t seem to love their Black daughters or their Black mothers?
    In all societies, why are there so many single and oppressed black mothers/women living in poverty with poor health while raising crime prone angry black children, boys and girls, to continue perpetuate this vicious cycle?

    The legacy of the Black man in this particular society have always and rightfully fought for the respect of being called a MAN in all aspect of being called a MAN. However, it seems when time to take ownership to the responsibilities or the faults that occurs under HIS title, he then chooses to stand down and put blame elsewhere. I don’t believe in chicken and egg, there is cause and effect. “If a man wants to lead, he must clear the path before setting blame”.

    Freeslave said“I hear appeals to racial loyalty fo’ so’, we’re supposed to be together because we’re supposed to be, said with fire. But is that gonna bring a brotha back from the otha side? It hasn’t worked yet, has it?”

    Black men have fought for respect and justice, it hasn’t worked yet, has it? “lone theorist” said, “The white man will NEVER respect you, as you have given him no cause to show you respect.” This is why. Its all connected sweetie.

    Freeslave remember, “No one is free when others are oppressed.”

    I love MYSELF.

  5. Las, if you believe that we hate you because you are trying to love us, how do we have conversation, let alone a relationship? And it is not obvious that black women love us more than we love them: what is clear is that racism/white supremacy is focused on black men more and with razor-like precision (check the prison/college and mortality stats), focused on destroying us. Black women get the same treatment, though in different form. Could it be that the master plan is that we be at odds, stay at odds, complain about how he/she is mistreating me, while the invisible hand of the white man is never seen? Do you want black men and women to love each other or hate each other? I’m not sure where you stand on that.

    We ALL need to love ourselves, every man, woman and child.

    I’ve read at your friend’s site how when black women date outside the race this is justified because of how black men have treated them. This is NOT self hate, therefore the sister gets a free vanilla pass.

    We have all as black people been subject to racism/white supremacy. It manifests differently in all. If we remain in our bunker of justified hurt, then there will be no relationships, or those which occur will remain full of conflict. Somebody has to be able to accept what has been – understand why it has been – and propose something positive.

    I say, we can create new relations – if we decide to. Put another way, I’m going to create new and healthier relationships with black people and other people of color. Those of you who want to stay in martyrdom, or self righteous anger, etc, can stay there. I’ve tried it and I’m growing up and out of it.

  6. Damn, I’m good. I like being right! 1st, I hate to bash others but I think (she who shall not be named) deserves to be bashed. She is wack as hell & one sided & is afraid of confrontation. How can you have a healthy argument with a racial narcissist?

    I don’t think (she who shall not be named) would know what to do with a Black man if the opportunity presented itself!


  7. Byg, I feel sorry for these ladies. But they are comfortable where they are. RR shows no growth; its all about what black men aren’t doing for her, as if the way she is doesn’t attract, or repel.

    These ladies’ pain supercedes their ability to see themselves for who they are. And if you can’t be honest about who YOU are, you’ll never see anyone else, or anything else clearly. And you’ll likely stay miserable.

    Does that mean all black women are that way? Hell, no. But watch how they’ll spin it. They spin worse than Sean Hannity.

  8. I find all the comments and the blog post truly disheartening. If everyone participating in this scurrilous debate (freeslave, bygbaby, RR, etc.) truly had the same goal of Afrocentricity and unity, then there would be no debate.

    I think the blogger and his readers need to go beyond RR’s current post on gendered racism. By reading more of RR’s post, you will see that her blog is not at all about attacking black men.

    The comments and post here contain a general incivility that should not occur–especially between black people.

    We surely can have ideological disagreement without such vitrol. Be the men you say you, and lead by example.

    And I do love myself, and I am loved by a beautiful, strong, intelligent black man.

  9. Alexis,

    Have you read any of MY other posts about this issue? You should if you haven’t already. None of us get a free pass, including the RR. I’m not going to pull punches about this. I’ve read plenty on RR’s blog and it doesn’t impress me, its vicious and I notice a lot of support for the hate they spew over there. That’s how I see it.

    If you find this blog disheartening, you don’t have to come here. But if you do, be prepared because I’m gonna tell it as I see it.

    PS I have made numerous calls for us to put our differences aside, agree to disagree and move forward. NONE of the folks who disagree with me and who feel they can talk big shit about me – have EVER stepped up and said, yes we need to put aside our differences. Not ONE time. But they can castigate me, malign me. And you’ve got their back. So be it.

  10. What the hell, everyone is tired of this divisive talk. Freeslave, yeah you may be right. And others may be right but you know what, too much has already been spoken (in vain) about the black /white black/black relationships. Every person who has a successful relationship will tell you, it’s not “because of” or “in spite of” the partner’s race. It’s the individual’s character. We people of color in general are sooo conscious and even obsessed with race, we forget everything else. I am gonna date whichever individual makes me feel happy, beautiful and loved. Talking, protesting or fighting over this issue simply won’t change it. If all the sistas around me are obese, talk vulgar, dumbed down english and don’t love who they are I’m just not gonna date them. (geez, spend that hair money on the gym and act like a lady.),
    In fact, I know many white men married to foreign black women who love themselves and are not brainwashed or embittered by the American racist environment. It all comes to how you love and respect yourself. PERIOD

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