Dearest Lone Theorist

On my ‘Black Love, Baby’ post, Lone Theorist said:

“Did you ever perhaps consider that instead of blaming all your problems on black women, you should maybe hold your self accountable for the things you can change?You are not a threat to white people. White people love you, because you do not respect other black people (black women). Instead you have looked at the white man’s definition of beauty and have not removed this socialization. The white man will NEVER respect you, as you have given him no cause to show you respect. YOU obviously don’t love yourself, if you did, you would bed down with women who reflected your phenotype. You would lay down with the women who endured the same struggles with race as you, you would marry a woman who is as angry as you about what this society is doing to black men, women, and children. And you would treat black women with the same respect you would want for yourself. Instead you look up to your white overseers definition of beauty, like a little boy trying to fill out “daddy’s” shoes. Admit you are brainwashed, but stop looking towards the next black woman you see for introducing very valid points about how black men behave towards them.

But you haven’t. If you knew anything about the very Malcolm in your picture (you probably haven’t even read his autobiography or speeches), you’d know that he was against interracial dating, and the pathetic brothers who would run over his own to get a non-black girl. Our ancestors who fought to give us the freedoms you enjoy today are rolling over in their grave.”

Dear Lone Theorist:

You’ve read me all wrong, but thank you, because this is the disease in us that I am referring to. And it is in all of us, though you may think you are immune.

Rage has blinded you, to the point where you can’t see nuance, you can’t even read what I’ve written through your rageful cataracts, can’t understand the process by which we ALL have to free ourselves of the chains the white man has bound us with.

Calm down and listen.

I understand what has led you to this place of overwhelming pain. Who feels it knows it, right? And if you think you’ve cornered the market on hurt, or, that I haven’t experienced pain from being a black man AND experienced pain from the poor choices that I’ve made along the way – you simply don’t know.

I truly hope that, eventually, you will come to know that you aren’t alone in your pain and confusion – I share it – and that you can move out of pain as a permanent emotional state into a place of greater inner peace/awareness/understanding/conviction.

Now, if you know a little bit about Malcolm X, you know that he dated at least one white woman, so I’m in good company. Later on, he renounced interracial dating, pimping, drug dealing – all of which he engaged in. Who and what I fucked in the past is past. (More on that later…)

All of us have unique challenges – Tomism, jungle fever, drugs, alcohol, bling-bling, ‘burnt hair syndrome’, food addiction, obesity, terminal rage – all forms of internalized racism. I can criticize with the best of them: but if my finger doesn’t also point at me, if I fail to look at myself with rigorous honesty and see the ‘disease in me’ then I will likely be a part of the problem, instead of helping create a solution.

You may think that you’re pure, unsullied, blameless, the perfect victim…think again.

My sister, you cannot blame your problems on me and I cannot blame my problems on you, precisely the point that I was making. So we are in agreement on something. That is a start. I didn’t make you angry, rageful: you came here with that feeling. Black women didn’t cause me to date/marry a white woman. I did that all by myself. I did it and take responsibility for it.

I was going to say I regret having done so, but I don’t regret anything because I learned and I am learning from my mistakes. Mine eyes were opened. If it took that experience to learn, so be it. If you don’t like that I had to go through what I had to go through to learn what I had to learn – that’s your problem.

I wonder what you need to learn about yourelf that has NOTHING to do with another human being?

I know one thing: I have seen the error of my ways and continue to try to see. I will continue to pay attention and continue to try to “remove the socialization” of the white man from my being. Removing it is a process, a lifetime process, a process that requires supportive friends.

Its funny. I was just thinking of a speech of Malcolm’s that I saw recently:

“To have once been a criminal is no disgrace; to remain a criminal is the disgrace.”

I have been with white women. Guilty as charged. And I will be with a black woman always and forever.

That vibe, that need to abuse and rake each other over the coals is so anti-‘Black Love,’ so illustrative of what I was trying to say, that I can’t see straight. This is the impediment – this internalized, myopic, unforgiving poison – that will prevent you and I from loving ourselves as a people and as REAL black people.

NONE of us are immune – including me. So climb down off the cross, come down here on the ground and deal with the 30 million different ways that blackness manifests.

21 Responses to “Dearest Lone Theorist”

  1. Well said Lubangakene. It is obvious why the “Theorist” is a-“Lone”. Such rage and underlying self-depreciation is a turn off.

    Keep on Keepin’ on mah Bruh. Your Black/African Queen is just around the corner.


  2. This is pretty hot! Lubangakene I don’t think that you should be apologetic for “sleeping with the enemy” in the past. What happened happed & we move on & grown from the experience.

    “Black women didn’t cause me to date/marry a white woman. I did that all by myself. I did it and take responsibility for it.

    I was going to say I regret having done so, but I don’t regret anything because I learned and I am learning from my mistakes. ”

    I believe you mentioned that you have children; children are no mistake no matter what people say, that was a blessing for you & your former spouse. (I hope I’m not over stepping on this).

    Much love & we got your back from (she who shall not be named)’s angry minions.

    Tafari aKa Bygbaby

  3. Thanks Tafari. I appreciate the support. There are times when you’re trying to keep it real, when you know that you are keeping it real and some person comes along who can’t understand but who has “opinions.” They might even look like you.

    THAT can be frustrating. But, when I read their words, its like they say in recovery, “it’s the disease talking.” They are in the grips of something that won’t allow them to see certain things.

  4. Asa, yeah, she is coming, no doubt. And it will be because I did the work on myself to get out of my own way.


  5. Leaving the blogosphere is never good because you miss out on so many interesting debates and passionate opinions. If you don’t mind, i just want to spill all of my thoughts out on your recent posts (I apologise now for this being so long).

    1) I can see why certain black men and women are turned off by the blog you were referring to. however, i think her actual aim is to assuage some black women’s feelings of pain and abandonment. I think it is important to try and view the blog from a feminist point of view if possible – to me, it seems like she is trying to empower disillusioned black women. I like that aspect of empowerment and thus, I support it. I don’t think she is anti-black men – she is just a passionate person with opinions like most black bloggers.

    In my opinion, we should all come together to try and erase the hurt between black men and black women. Look at white men and women – can they say that there is an emotional gash between them like we can? The one way we can do this is through discussion and blogging is a great platform for this. You have your views, she has hers etc but who knows – perhaps common ground can be found.

    I can’t speak for the USA because I live in Europe but I know that IR dating here has changed how society moves and works, some think it is good and others think it is bad. I don’t have anything against it anymore because everyone has to be able to make their own choices. This shift in opinion has taken a long time to come for me but it is something which my heart feels.

    IR used hurt me like many black girls in the UK for example, as we’d see successful black professionals such as footballers and actors (Thierry Henry etc) marrying white women so it almost created a sub-conscious inferiority complex. I am being honest: I used to suffer from this and thought that I wasn’t good enough. Thankfully, times have changed and I learned that it wasn’t exactly a black man’s fault but nor was he guiltless either. It was just the way the cookie crumbled. This feeling had to do with a low-self esteem because I thought what society was projecting to me was an accurate representation of what should be happening. I now know that everyone has a pack of cards full of choices and they pick the card that suits them.

    I don’t know if I have made any sense whatsoever. I just think us black people need more than anti-septic to stop us from splintering about the issue of IR dating.

    I enjoy both of your blogs and I am sure there will be more interesting discourse in the future.


  6. Aurelia,

    I agree that RR’s intentions are good. I think the execution is not entirely so. Her site definitely is pro-black women; however, it feels pro-black women’s victimization predominantly.

    What you described as your journey to healing/progressing regarding interracial relationship – I do not hear there. Yours is the powerful, mature, less traveled path. Wondering whether black men move to states with fewer black women in order to date white women: if that is deep or healing, I must be missing the boat.

  7. I glad for this discussion, and dialogue. We need to toucj on all of these subjects among each other. FS, I checked out that sister’s site my man, and…well, let me say this. The sister seemed to attack yours truly with her comments to the effect that FS sorrounds himself with like minded people with “afro centric sounding screen names”. She goes on: “It’s all so depressingly phony” and she then goes on to refer to these people as “denatured” (If that means we are watered down or phony, she used the wrong word, but I digress)

    Anyway, I am actually sorry I went over there, because now this sister has seriously pissed me off on a personal level. Not only does she know nothing about me, but she assumes things about me that are totally off base. Any visitor to my site knows that I advocate black on black love and have been particularly tough on celebrities….but why am I even trying to explain myself to this female? Bottom line FS, I appreciate your honesty and your openness with this topic. And even though the back anf forth is mostly negative, I think people can learn from the exchange between you and this sister.

    I am glad aulelia checked in (now there is a sister that I am sure does not have anger problems when it comes to this black love thing) because I would not want this discussion to take place with a dearth of female input on the subject.

    So I will just sit back and enjoy the dialogue. I think we can always learn from each other, and there is no better way of learning than communicating honestly and openly.

    As for that female who is taking part in this prolonged mutual hostillity with FS. I can only say this: My sister, I am not your enemy, and in the future, may I suggest that you learn about the subjects you attack before you do so. I am trying to be civil with you because you are a sister, and I am assuming we have the same goals for our people’s future. So let’s try to keep it on a positive note.

  8. Field,

    Here’s the backstory on my ‘relationship’ with the Racial Realist:

    I did a google search on ‘thefreeslave’ moniker and discovered a conversation going on at RR’s site.

    The conversation had portions of a conversation that I’d had with a self identified white man who was challenging me because I’d had a white wife, but was espousing “a pro-black philosophy” or whatever the fuck he called it.

    She used parts of that conversation as the basis of a post on her blog to ridicule me and other black men who talk black, but who have or have had relationships with white women. She never commented on my blog in that post. She did one of those EUREKA! I found another race traitorous male.

    Now, where was the love, where was the concern, the expression of ‘you’re going down the wrong road?’


    ‘You’re a misguided brother, you need to check yourself?’

    Nada, nothing, zero. I find out by accident; I know it would have taken courage to comment, but that’s straight cowardice and the anti-thesis of love.

    And you should have seen the hosannas and the hallelujahs. These sisters sounded giddy, beneath their self righteous boo-hoo-ing. We weren’t all one family, not from these responses: NO, in that moment, she, they were blacker than thou, and I was the excommunicated, wayward soul. I wasn’t even worthy of exorcism, only, banishment from the race. (Pardon the hyperbole) Now, if these women think that that energy, that vibration has any appeal to any but the most wounded and damaged of us – then I’m tripping.

    Now, RR’s mom is white and I’ve known a number of black folks who feel insecure about their identity so they sometimes take shit to an extreme. I can relate and quite honestly may be guilty of the same at times.

    And honestly, I don’t condemn her personally cuz I don’t know her. I know that she is struggling like we all do. But its all very Willie Lynch-like. I’ve said things about her and other people which I regret to an extent. But I’m always willing to have a conversation, willing, ready and able to heal the rift.

    Even after finding her post and being pissed, I went over there to her site to try to engage her in dialogue. But she wasn’t and isn’t interested in that, unless its a rehashing of her feelings of rejection, which I suspect are really her feelings of self rejection.

    I understand where she’s coming from and if she truly becomes interested in ‘black love’ and talking to black people rather than just about them, I’m more than willing to have a civil dialogue. Its just fascinating to read the word love bandied about and feel its absence so massively. Hopefully, she’ll find her way out of her pain, she and her like minded associates.

  9. Wow, thanks for the background. Now I am glad I didn’t go after girlfriend in a more public way. Sounds like there is some real hidden pain there, and some issues that is beyond our comprehension.

    Mmmm..interacial huh. Well, I suppose that explains the I am blacker than you posture. Still, it doesn’t excuse jumping to conclusions about people you know nothing about.

    But, I am going to leave it alone. I have been known to get rather personal with people, and it’s one of my bad traits that I am working on.

    Thanks again for the dialogue and creating an avenue for this discussion.

    P.S. sorry about all the bad spelling on my posts today. That’s what happens when you try to do too many things at once, and your brain moves too fast for your fingers 🙂

  10. To piggy back off of FS, I was shocked (again) when I read the statement “…plus other black men who prefer white/light women who like him have Afrocentric-sounding screen names – it’s all depressingly phony as these guys are super-denatured.”

    I was like I know she is not talking about Tafari Asabagna, The Field Slave etc. She says that she does not read your blog, but obviously she does if she is trying to passively point people out.

    Aulelia, I swear that you must be the daughter of an African diplomat. Healing the hurt together is easier said than done. The healing must start with self 1st and foremost. As my boy Gil Scott-Heron said “Home is where the hatred is; home is filled with pain”

  11. I guess, I find myself wondering why do you care? Your tone is dismissive of black women. You are quick to dismiss any arguments made by black women stating instead that black women are full of rage, anger, pain and self-hatred. In my opinion, the terms you use to describe them (obese, comments about hair, rage, vengeful etc) clearly indicates your true feelings about black women. Also, it is an attempt to negate their arguments by making black women seem hysterical and without logic or reason. Why even respond to black women since you clearly only use it as an opportunity to label us with unsavory terms. Instead of owning your true feelings you are demeaning and then try to offer a caveat at the end of your diatribe saying that “not all black women are like that.” Uh huh. You say that you are introspective, but I have to wonder if that is even true, if you can acknowledge your true feelings about black women. I, personally, have no problem with interracial dating. I have no real interest in black men who date outside the race. I know and believe that I can not lose something that is meant for me and a black man who dates white women was never meant for me. I, only, become interested when certain black men find the need to demean black women to justify their attraction, desire, need for non-black women. Why? Why can’t you just be positive and say the reason is love, or mutual compatibility, or shared interests and/or aspirations, or even her white skin, long hair or whatever. Why do you need to demean black women and say that it is because they are obese, shrieking harpies with whisk thin hair that you chose not to be with them? That is when I suppose I fall into your rageful, vengeful camp. I think that type of discourse is dishonest. I do not need to demean black men who date non-black women. I just ask that they are honest and take some personal responsibility instead of blaming black women.

  12. MsJJ,

    Why is it that you only read half of what I said:

    “All of us have unique challenges – Tomism, jungle fever, drugs, alcohol, bling-bling, ‘burnt hair syndrome’, food addiction, obesity, terminal rage – all forms of internalized racism.”

    ALL, meaning men as well as women. When I write all of us, you take that to mean ‘just black women.’ That is incorrect. This is why I include my self in the indictment. Why is it an impossibility to comprehend that “ALL” means ALL?

    I also noted that these behaviors stem (greatly) from racism. Did you not see that?

    In writing the derogatory attributes, I am pointing out that we use these terms TO denigrate each other, to make ourselves feel superior/one-up. I was NOT making a statement that this is how ALL black women are, or how ALL black people are. If I meant that I would say that. That’s not how I feel, but that seems to be what you read. You didn’t read that here.

    I’m referring to the Racial Realist and the people who think like her – men as well as women – who have narrow minded/blacker than thou views that further divide us. I am criticizing their opinions, their stances.

    You asked me why I can’t just be positive. Positive includes telling the truth. For me. Now, I was attacked by someone because I was married to a white woman, though I had criticized MYSELF/seen the light. Some would call it a positive development when a black man sees the error of his ways, admits them and states that he is trying to do better, states that he desires “Black Love.” But, for some, this is not enough. Those are the people I’m critiquing.

    I positively want a positively wonderful sister. But I do NOT want, nor do I like, negative, myopic ANYTHING.

  13. Cudos to Tafari on the Gil Scott-Heron quote.

    I found it interesting how these defenders of RR misrepresent your words Lubangakene. It is a reflection of their narrow-mindedness and the energy they expend to justify their self-delusion. I am married to a wonderful, positive, spiritual, kind and intelligent Black woman and I made a conscious choice to wait years for someone like her. I also made a conscious choice not to get involved with Black women like an RR and her ilk. If that were the ONLY choices I had, between them and a white woman, I would happily “be playing in the snow”.


  14. I think there is a complete disconnect between the men here and the women on RR’s blog. Although, I think RR can go overboard and seem depressed. She has a valid point. I think you fail to understand that the black community (especially in America), has always put the needs and defense of the black man above the black woman’s plight, as if we weren’t beaten to a bloody pulp (delicate feminine parts and all) alongside black men during slavery. As if, the rape that black women endured was harder on the man than any black woman. Black women have suffered as well as black men, but black women have never been addressed, upheld, or consoled by the community. As a matter of fact, if a black woman dares to look outside of her race, she is put under the worst type of scrutiny and ostracism.

    Although I can see your points as valid as well, and even see where you are making progress towards healing yourself…your complete dismissal/turned insult of RR is a lot harsher than what was probably necessary. Yes, her blog is focused on black WOMEN issues. Black women HAVE shown loyalty to black men. It is amazing how hard it is, and sometimes scary to even mention the possibility of love outside of the black race to black women. MOST of the women I know or have observed, will vehemently say that they could never love or even be attracted to any man, but a black man. Yet, in my dating years I have had to deal with men who would purposefully date me to tell me how I don’t measure up to white women. It happened too much to be a fluke, it was a sentiment that seemed almost universal for much of the 90s and 2000s. I find myself to be an attractive black woman (I got a lot of attention), and I am also pretty soft spoken, and easy-going, so I find it hard to believe I brought/attracted this type of person to myself. I also attracted some very nice and beautiful black men. But, I was preyed upon by my own men, who I swore would be the only men to bear my children. This is not something that was a singular or uncommon occurrence, nor is it unique to me. On any given day, you will probably find more than half of the black women you come in contact with will have a similar story. Not to mention this is/was clearly the message in the media for some time, as they focused only on high profile Black male/white female relationships and never ever mentioned the reverse, or even happily married black male/black female relationships for that matter.

    In the end, I think what is overwhelmingly missing from any of your comments/posts is 1)an acknowledgement, that some black men have gone out of their way to attack black women, in defense of other women, or sometimes seemingly for no reason at all. 2)A softer/delicate touch when dealing with women who have been obviously and maliciously attacked by black men. 3) A sense of understanding that we need to be protected as well, if not more. Afterall, we are the delicate flowers who have been asked to be strong beyond any level of femininity for far to long. Our femininity and worth is attacked on a daily basis. Damn, can we get a break….

  15. Emerging Phoenix,

    Hell yes you can get a break from me. Thank you for communicating with me like I might have some redeemable value.

    I acknowledge that some black men have hurt some black women. I acknowledge that I have hurt some black women in my life. I have a softer/delicate approach and I’d like to use it. I REALLY would.

    I understand, better now that you put it out there, that black women need to be protected, probably much more than black men.

    I tried to use my ‘sensitive side’ with RR even after I discovered her online attack on me ‘accidentally.’ I didn’t appreciate her continued self righteous badmouthing when I approached her civilly so I took her on.

    I wasn’t the black guy who dogged her, but she treated me like I was anyway.

    EP, I want to connect with black folks, including women. 99% of the time, I have written about racism/white supremacy and what it has done to US, not just to men. I don’t write posts badmouthing “The Black Woman.” I’ve been very honest about aspects of my life, upbringing, behavior, not to get medals, but as a way to grow. And to connect with other human beings.

    To be open, to admit the need for further growth around my relations with my people and to get the nastiness from certain people that I’ve gotten sucks. Not very encouraging, judgemental as hell and not endearing at all.

    “We’re all sensitive people,” so Marvin said. Its a two-way street, isn’t it? If a person approachs me like you did – we can talk. I can take your criticism and apply it. And I know that black women go through shit that I’ll never even dream of. But why don’t we agree to talk TO instead of ABOUT each other? I’m down with that.

    If we can agree that we all have issues/problems/challenges, then those of us who can talk – LET’S TALK!! Let’s heal.

  16. EP made some excelletn points about our sisters and what they have had to go through in the struggle, and I co-sign with many of her thoughts. But what I see here, is FS trying to reach out and trying to heal, but unfortunately, I don’t feel that from his rival. Instead, I see alot of anger and lashing out, (maybe it’s because she attacked me personally as well) without any basis or gounds for her misdirected angst.

    I don’t know what transpired between FS and this sister in the past, nor do I really care. But I do sense a strain of hostility from this sister that’s almost bordering on obsession.

    And for the record, I have never dated a white woman nor have I ever had a desire to; and just a cursory view of my web site, or my writings would have revealed such to this young lady. Instead, she chose to attack me on a personal level, which to me, is indefensible.

    So thank you for your contribution to this discussion Emerging Phoenix, I think your thoughts were iluminating. Now may I suggest that you share some of your wisdom with the other individual involved as well.

  17. Peace FS,

    It’s been a while that I’ve been here but it was quite a surprise to see this conversation still going from last year. Not that a continuing conversation is a bad thing and I’m definitely happy to see Emerging Phoenix engaging you… But there’s still much missing in all of this that only looks at the white vs. black dimension of interracial relationships that does not speak to the experiences of many of us who are black non-African American.

    I do not want to trivialize the multitude of issues that black women face from not only the society at large but also from black men who are more than happy to denigrate them… But in order of magnitude, the number of black-white interracial marriages is by far less than black-black marriages. I think the current stats (I will try and find the link soon) is that of all marriages involving black folks, black-white marriages are less than 10% even when you climb up the socioeconomic ladder the proportion of black-white marriages is still less than 10% of all marriages involving black men or women. In terms of severity, I think attacking those negative images of black women while promoting the multi-faceted lives and experiences of black women is more important and more constructive than calling race-traitor on black men who date white women. With regards to the black men who denigrate black women to protect white women or other non-black women (e.g. Wesley Snipes) they should be condemned outrightly BUT the kind of prejudice they express is by far more complicated than just a black man thing… this segues to how the issue of denigrating black folk affects the diverse romantic interactions between the multiple ethnicities in the black community.

    If you were to ask Nigerian who he/she would marry, nine times out of ten they will pick a Nigerian, which on the face is a good thing because they’re with black people, but if you were to dig deeper this perspective also includes a racialized view of non-Nigerian black folk (especially African-Americans) as less than acceptable. This also brings in very sexist perspectives, where Nigerian women are beholden to Nigerian men in order to have legitimate identities as Nigerians within their families as well society at large, Nigerian men are all too happy to have their way with African-American women but after having their fun will settle down with a Nigerian woman (without loosing their identities in anyway). Even between and within African nationalities there are so many prejudiced views; where Ibos, Ibibios, Yorubas, Hausas, Nigerians, Ghanaians, Ethiopians and Egyptians employ nationalist, tribal prejudices against one another. If one were to extend RR’s theories of black on black love to Yoruba on Yoruba love or Nigerian on Nigerian love or Ethiopian and Ethiopian love only, then we would be left with more of a fragmented community.

    Flipping the coin, my experience has shown me that just as much anti-African racialized prejudice and discrimination from African-Americans who have internalized their racism. I’m talking about those who still use the “paper bag” test when it comes to dating other black folks, as well as African-Americans that look at us Africans as savages. This does not mean that the other extreme i.e. those who exoticize the sexuality and identity of Africans as the “real” Mandingos/Africans, is any less problematic and detrimental to building personal relationships. Additionally, having lived and worked in countries in Sub-Saharan Africa and Central, I’ve seen too many African-Americans take full advantage of their American privilege (which is by extension a racialized privilege) at the expense of their African and Afro-Latino cousins. These same people were in relationships with other African-Americans enjoying their isolation or when they were in relationships with African or Afro-Latino were very happy to utilize their privilege to select partners from the “cream of the crop”. Tell me what difference does it make if the doctors, marine biologists and engineers who were trained (with heavy investment by the government of Nicaragua and Cuba) to serve their poor communities left with African-American sisters (which was the case) rather than white women (which was rarely so)? Because at the end of the day, the government and community (including the women from these men’s communities) will not be able to reap the dividends when the people they’ve invested in decide to take advantage of the opportunity to live in the U.S.

    Lastly, while I will never submit to the view that employs the epithet of race-traitor to EVERY black man who is in a relationship with a non-black woman (white women included) because I much prefer to leave that type of stubborn generalization to bigots… It has to be said that black women have suffered far too much and for far too long at the hands of our racist and sexist society, and they should be free from the poisonous racist and patriarchal views that act as gatekeepers in their selection of partners who are not black… I will say it again, Black women should NEVER be subjugated and obligated to be with Black men (who also benefit from a male-dominated society) solely because of racial solidarity because too often that involves disempowering Black women. Black women should be able to marry anyone they so choose because it is their right as human beings and anyone or any social system that actively or passively denies their agency or the legitimacy of their identity (as well as any offspring they have) as black folk is nothing but racist and sexist and it must be systematically dismantled. Period.

  18. can you PLEASE delete this subject now? My name is on it, and I dont want to be associated with such folly in google searches. THANK YOU.

  19. You know when I told you that I was reading your entire blog, I was way too tired to finish that night. So, in my bordem, I thought I would go ahead and continue reading. The dialogue here has blown me away. It’s real, challenging, and sometimes hilarious.

    The truth is if I had continue reading the other night, I probably would not have asked you those questions or made a comment about the subject. You’ve answered some of my questions on these few posts that I’ve been reading in the last 15 minutes.

    But I’m glad I did engage you in conversation. The dialogue has been good and was needed for me to start a shift in my thinking about interracial dating. Plus, all of this had forced me to really take a honest look at myself, why I think what I think, and to be fair when making assessments about others, especially people I do not know.

    I’m going to take a deep breath and continue reading. I’ll probably hold off on commenting until I’m finish. That’s if I have any energy. LOL All of this is exciting, but also draining. It’s an awful lot to take in, and an awful lot to remember when you are thinking of crafting a comment.

    BTW: It tickles me to see my brotha, Field, commenting here. When I see his screen name, I wake up to pay attention to what he has to say. (smile)

    Oh yeah… I wanted you to know I own my pain. I know that post was bullets posing as words. But I loved the post and thought it was strong, hard, and right on. I think most people, not just angry black women, need to hear it.

    Ooh, I’m glad I’m not an angry mlack woman. I might be a little mad. But I’m glad that I’m not blinded by rage and hurt.


  20. I’m glad you aren’t either, Angie. You wouldn’t be you if you were.

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