Letter to Aulelia
No human being is wrong in seeking love from any source. Understanding all of the things around it – the historical/personal history and context is key to me. I think I’m hearing you say that. So, no, I don’t think black women are wrong to seek love in other men.
We are all ‘in-process.’ I’ve sought love in places previously that I don’t plan to seek it in the future. Experience, trial and error, youth, not knowing any better all played a part in those decisions. I assume that’s mostly true for all of us. We have to allow each other some slack for being human – for being people of color who mean well but who travel unpopular paths, who sometimes fuck up.
After all, every fuck (and every fuck up:)) is an opportunity for growth!
We have been and frankly, are, incredibly willing pawns today. Someone profits from us being fractured and irreconcilably enraged at each and estranged from each other. Those of us who can forge new relationships based on understanding the past and each other – must do so.
I am very glad to be talking to you about these issues.
That inferiority complex that you speak of destroys the character of so many of us, disfigures us. We hide behind myths designed to cripple us. Vulnerability, authentic feeling and expression breeds healing: stereotypes, armor and hardness breeds disease, traps the infection inside, perpetuates the dysfunction.
There are no SUPER men or women, only black men and women who have suffered and endured, twisting and contorting themselves to deal with madness, with oppression. Those adaptations that helped us survive slavery, today, enslave us, keep us stuck in behaviors, attitudes, stances that further the internal conflict that the oppressor stage manages from his media conglomerate. We were gifted this legacy and we are the ones who have to alter and end it.
We are all victims; but we are not all builders of a new relationship with each other. That takes healing and wisdom and distance from one’s own pain. Those of us who have progressed to that point have a chance to do that work.
I hope that we can continue to speak with each other and teach each other. I’m not where I want to be by far. Maybe we can help fill in each other’s blanks.