Of Kings and Queens…
What does it mean when people who once were Kings and Queens treat themselves like human garbage cans?
What does it mean when many of us are three, four and five times our normal, healthy size – physically – yet bemoan our lack of love and respect? How much intimacy can we expect when our girth is an expression of our complex flight from intimacy?
If one disrespects themselves, they send a clear signal to the Universe that this is normality. When I hear people complain about the quality of the people that they attract, or, that they attract no one, I wonder what it is that they are putting out that, like a magnet, draws troubled, problematic people to them. Or no one at all.
I got on the scale a couple of days ago and while I’m not obese by the looks of me, I’m heavier than I want to be. What comes up for me are a number of feelings and thoughts:
*I want to strive for perfection. I know that I can be the weight (and size) that I want to be. It is entirely in my control.
*I know that I use food emotionally, eat more when I’m distressed, depressed or pissed. Food doesn’t talk back, misunderstand or confuse me, thus often there is no bar to me eating whatever I want. But, oh the consequences! I wonder what I’m afraid of, ‘what am I afraid of?’ Why am I isolating myself emotionally through my eating habits and weight.
*I attract where and what I am. (Law of Attraction-speak; I know for some this is unbelievable, ‘blames the victim,’ doesn’t account for ‘accident/killers who murder innocents,’ etc. Just my sense of my life.) When I’m on top of my shit, not letting any bullshit stymie me and on point like a muthafucka, shit flows. When I’m in my insecurity, embracing a negative outlook, laying in my depressed hammock, what comes my way?! Turds of every description mostly, though every now and then a pearl floats out from beneath. And that pearl often reminds me to pay attention to what’s happening in my life, to learn my life, read it like a book and change what needs to be changed.
I am a King TODAY!! Why? Because, I’m treating my “Body Temple” like its a Body Temple. I walked today and worked out with weights. I kept the TV off most of the day. I wrote. I put good food into my system and bought more – nuts, fruits, vegetable, all organic.
I believe that if I treat myself better, I’ll treat you better, better at least than I would have if I hadn’t treated myself with maximum respect. If I’m a King, then I’m only rolling with Kings and Queens. I think Klymaxx said it best: “I love you, I love you all but I have GOT to go!” We can bump knuckles, but I can’t let you in if you only think you’re a King or a Queen. I’m allergic to perpetrators and hyper sensitive to self-hate projected at me and made my problem.