By Maxjulian

July 17, 2008

Category: Uncategorized


Before I got married, I told my wife that I didn’t want her to take my name, that I wanted us to maintain our individuality/identities.  Yesterday, six years after our divorce, she told me that I needed to re-write my child support check and use her new, married name.

I’d known she’d taken dude’s name, but it caused me to meditate on the issue some more: Why would a woman want to take a man’s name…in 2008?   Who wants to be property?   Hell, who wants to be  married?

Does anybody stand for anything anymore?

Call me naive but……. what sense does it make to protest or complain about our illegal, imperial, fascist government – if you’re gonna turn around and pay taxes to it so it can continue functioning?!  Its a requirement that when the government is injurious of these ends, meaning “the pursuit of life, liberty and happiness,” that we are REQUIRED to dismantle this shit and start over.  But who wants to start ovah?

People are jive, man.  While my heart always holds out hope, part of me don’t give a fuck what happens to the collective.  I’m taking care of tcb!!

I was evangelizing some brothers at work about veganism and it was so clear, there is a causal relationship between the casual callousness towards anything besides people and the casual callousness towards people that eventually rears its head.  It is impossible to feel compassion for humans and actively or passively brutalize animals – and NOT have that brutality seat itself in your soul.  Impossible.  But try telling that to someone who has bought the buffalo wing blinders…Impossible.

The capacity to change is in short supply…and if you can’t change, how the hell do you expect other folks to change?!

I’ve been truly educated the last couple.  People are people.  They certainly have their differences born of where and with whom and under what conditions they were raised.  But people are so very much people.  I have a warmth in my heart for my own “kind” but we aren’t as special as I’d imagined.  At least, not under current conditions.  We have and are being spiritually, emotionally and intellectually savaged every moment of every day.  This culture is rape culture; it rapes your mind.  Only “real” human currency can batten down the hatches, a real you, not some hand me down, borrowed personna.  I see, hear so few, sense so few who can keep it real, can be authentic AND vulnerable at the same time.  All around me I see caricatures, cartoons: the strong, black woman, the down brother, the b-girl and boy, the militant, the sellout.  Cutouts.  Set pieces, costumes, masks, veils.

DEAD.  I see dead people, half-people, sheeple, retards, cowards, slaves, compartments, con men and con women.

Where is my tribe?  Where are my people?

13 Responses to “Lament”

  1. culture has taken most people over- whether they be black, white, brown, or any mixtures of the above. al gore spoke today about needing change- and quickly- as our lives as humans on this planet depend on it. i was actually speaking to my husband about this over dinner this evening. i am not optimistic because large groups of people need leadership. and we don’t have it. and the population being such as you described don’t know what to do about it. and we are in a real pickle. i understand exactly where you are coming from- on a purely human level.

    as to taking the name of the spouse- i took my husband’s name. to me- it was a symbol of our unity. also, coming from a hard childhood and young adulthood- i wanted to distance myself as far as i could from my family name. i have friends who each left their names and made up a new last name that they both share. i have other friends who use hyphens or keep their own name. i have a feeling that most folks don’t realize the history behind the surname switch with marriage and that it symbolizes something completely different for them.

    anxious, hedonistic, selfish, intellectually dead people are what inhabits america today and it is a shame. things are so very broken and people don’t want to change more than they want to do what is necessary to fix things. sad.

  2. […] 17, 2008 Filed under: Uncategorized — nosnowhere @ 10:58 pm from thefreeslave: I was evangelizing some brothers at work about veganism and it was so clear, there is a causal […]

  3. Yeah…marriage. It’s not always easy, but I’m hanging in there. Long time. How are you, today?

  4. Bet, I hear you on the unity piece. There was a dynamic in her parent’s relations and mine in which I was like, “no, we’re doing this differently.” Clearly we weren’t on the same page and that’s fine; I just wanted no connection to that legacy.

    People who need leaders are not people and I think that’s the problem, that’s the education we all get. Pray to the higher authority, genuflect to the God’s earthly rep, kiss the ring. The REAL leaders and they are few, someone like Krishnamurti, disavow leadership, condemn idolatry or hero worship. He tried to teach people to lead themselves, but its hard to lead yourself when the baby bottle – held by the teacher, preacher, senator, president – is constantly shoved down your throat while they pat you on the back and tell you what an INDIVIDUAL you are…HAH?!

    Bess, good to hear from you. I’m writing so it can’t be too bad. I’m coming over for a visit.


  5. Not only do I find few people I’m fairly confident are at least trying to change/seek change/even encourage change, but some days I ain’t all too sure about my SELF. And my consciousness kicks my ass daily.

    I was sitting on my ancient, unpainted deck this afternoon, meditating and despairing of how difficult it is to make the tiniest dent in all the suffering in the world. All of a sudden, I re-noticed how some of the boards were warped and loose and I remembered that I had bought some big ole nails to work on that. So I went and got my hammer and those nails and started learning how to most effectively drive a 3-1/2″ nail into wood. I managed to develop something of a technique and successfully placed fifteen or so nails before a voice somewhere inside me said, “See? It’s just one nail at a time.”

    That oughta keep me moving for another little bit.

  6. Hello there,

    I will NOT be keeping my maiden name when I get married… I will take my husband’s name to symbolize that we are ONE…being one does not mean LOSING SELF… it means joining together.

    Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!

  7. I hear you, CS, putting one foot in front of the other is often the biggest accomplishment of my day. And I’m a part of my critique ALWAYS. I’m fighting to stay awake, like dude in Invasion of the Bodysnatchers.

    Lisa, is it “unity” or “merging” or “melding?” And how come the woman always takes the man’s name in the interests’ of “unity? A number of religions require that the man be the leader of the home, the woman his helpmate. Do you subscribe to that? I couldn’t go for any woman who wants to be subordinate to me, or who would want to take my name. I’m not saying this to take you to task, just stating what’s been on my mind.

    I was thinking the other day about slavery. My last name is Johnson. What does that mean? That the person who owned my relatives back in the day named his property after himself. Marriages have always been at their root questions of property relations.

    Do you know what the origin of the honeymoon is and why the bride and groom run down the steps of the church past the attendees? Because, way back in the day, the lord of the manor that the couple resided on could, following the wedding, take “liberties” with the new bride. Running to the limo today was the getaway back then, escaping the clutches of the landing owning rapist. He owned the land AND the bride.

    I know that things have changed, but the putrid origin of so many institutions makes you wonder if its worth participating in them. Or whether its not better to create your own. At least knowing history allows one to make informed decisions.

  8. There is a passion in your voice that I don’t come across everyday and I read and interact with people a lot.

    That being said, over at my blog we have been bouncing around ideas in response to my post, Who Raises the kids, The Parents or the Rappers.

    We came to the conclusion that if we are going to help the young bucks, it has to be a two pronged effort, one on the ground, on on the policy level.

    For the life of me, I cannot nail down what is most important way we can contribute to the lives of young bucks.

    I am thinking of reflection retreats. If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them.

  9. Interesting. Happy to have stumbled upon this blog post. 1) I’m not interested in taking someone elses name. If it’s a matter of unity, it would be about taking each others name and/or constructing a third, new family name. The woman habitually taking the man’s name still sounds like Property Transfer to me, sorry. And anyway, I’m very proud to be the daughter of my father so I don’t want to just throw that name out. 2) Talking to people about veganism – so so frustrating…. I feel your pain. Actually I would feel your pain except I don’t even try. That’s one of those things I just leave alone. But I will say that with young men it has to be all the worse because violence is so often associated with prowess and masculinity and compassion and kindness are so often associated with weakness that, yeah… that’s a serious uphill battle right there…

    – T

  10. Thanks, M. Dot. I’ve checked you out a little and I’ll be back to do a little more research.

    Hey, Tania. Its actually not so painful; I just refocus on getting better and being more committed my damn self. No doubt that cultural conditioning makes it harder for the macho, desensitized among us to grant Elsie a break.


  11. I’m married. I did not take his name or wear a ring. I hate the thought of wearing a symbolic yoke of chattel. Why I get married? We already loved and lived together. We got the government on it for what it was- business. We know how we want things ran in sickness or even death. We didn’t want interference(sp) in that. People, even family, have issues with our decisions- but hey they’re not in this marraige. We are.

    As for the veganism, I get the drama all the time. I can be reading a book about it on the train and people around me start having loud convo about how much they love bacon etc. They want to engage me in an argument, but my not participating gets them yelling more and more about meat. Which is kinda funny.

  12. I feel you, Supernovadiva and welcome.

  13. The question of taking a man’s name has been one that I’ve long asked myself. Sometimes, I think people follow established traditions without really thinking about the implications or reasoning behind the action (i.e. marriage, taking a name, having children). I see your correlation between being assigned a slave name and a woman taking the name of her husband. I believe both traditions were established by men to assert ownership, plain and simple.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: